[caption id="attachment_5956" align="alignright" width="318" caption="source: poo-news.com"]
As our own David Walter declared last week, if it’s April, it’s, um, Excretory Month here on The Ink. But, really, we’re just reflecting what seems to be a campus-wide airing of excretory-related issues–it’s not just us!
Case in point:
- the Prince ran an editorial cartoon on the 14th about the cartoonist’s traumatic experience with a rogue 5 AM urinator
- and PrincetonFML‘s poll last week asked the community “How do you wipe?”
I wanted to discuss the PrincetonFML “How do you wipe?” poll in particular because I was stunned (and horrified) by the apparent diversity of wiping methods out there. The poll is no longer up, sadly, but in case you missed it over 500(!) people responded to it. As of April 20th:
- a plurality (41%) answered “Crumpled, front to back”
- in close second (38%) was “Folded, front to back”
- 13% replied “Folded, back to front”
- and just 8% said “Crumpled, back to front”
For the past 22 years of my life, I believed in one supreme being (I think) and one butt-wiping method, but this poll caused me to question some of my core beliefs–who knew so many people wiped in so many different ways? The poll also seemed to spur wiping experimentation on campus, which, according to this PrincetonFML post, went terribly awry.
I’ll admit that I’m biased and prejudiced on this matter as I have my own preference, but was anyone else slightly horrified at the idea of butt-wiping “Crumpled, back to front”? Or rather, just “back to front” wiping in general? Wouldn’t such deeds–for both males and females–conceivably cause unspeakable havoc?
The authoritative-seeming HowToWipeYourButt.com (yes, it really exists) says the proper way is “from front to back.” So how do the 21% of Princeton folks who do the opposite explain themselves? (Seriously, I’d like to know.) Perhaps we can think of this post (and the comments section) as our own “Sustained Dialogue” on the sensitive, taboo subject of butt-wiping.
I know that I’ve recently had my own beliefs challenged on this issue. One friend informed me that he subscribes to the “back to front” school of wiping. When I questioned his ways, he retorted, “How is it horrifying if you are male?”
This gave me pause. Is it okay for men and women to wipe in different ways? Do the concerns of “back to front” butt-wiping not apply to men? Please. Let’s discuss this.
(N.B. This will be the last time I ever write about Excretory Month, rest assured!)