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“Ivygate”

(Ed. Note: An earlier version of this post had a long meditation on Connor Diemand-Yauman and the popular reality TV show, The Amazing Race, which was a tad long for your weekly round-up. This rambling will be re-formatted and included in a new forthcoming post later today. Fun!)

Top of the agenda: This past weekend your uncle Sam got you drunk and made the sky explode with falling light.  When it was over he handed you a sparkle-stick and it was like the same thing (the sky-falling, not the uncle-drunking) but smaller.  It was pretty, too, but all of a sudden you felt empty and unsure.  You coughed and held the sparkler down away from your face.  What was the point of it all, the trails of light fading to tails of smoke?  What was the use?  And why was everybody around you dressed the same, matching reds and whites and blues?  Seriously ugly color combo, but still – they all looked so happy.  What did those people know that you didn’t?   Your uncle Sam said you just needed another drink.  Fine, you replied, but make sure it’s a real beer and not that awful low-carb stuff. He came back with the goods and you chugged it.  Then you doubled over and booted.

And then someone wrote a poem about it.

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The star in my
Hand is falling

All the uniforms know what’s no use

May I bow to Necessity not
To her hirelings.

  • Congratulations, you’ve just read something by W.S. Merwin ‘48, America’s next poet laureate (and, in case you haven’t get gotten hip to what the ’48 means ‘round these here parts – welcome freshmen! – a Princeton graduate from the Class of 1948).  According to the New York Times, Merwin, whose appointment was announced last week, is “an undisputed master” and enjoys composing his poems on paper napkins.
  • In my home state of Delaware there’s a man who sits in the Wilmington McDonalds and draws Mickey Mouse cartoons on napkin after napkin with a Sharpie.  He’s nice, albeit unlikely to ever hold a ceremonial post in the Obama administration.  I miss Delaware and I miss McDonalds.  Delaware I knew I’d have to leave behind once I went off to college, but McDonalds I figured would always be there.  Guess not. Thanks a lot, Princeton Borough.

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UPDATE: After some discussion, we decided that our judgments were rather more unsophisticated and flippantly worded than we think desirable.  For example: We should probably make it clear that IvyGate doesn’t hate Princeton.  And we don’t hate IvyGate.  And BLOG WARS!!! are, like, totally lame.

I used to really like IvyGate.

Now, I won’t go so far as a lot of people who say “it sucks now.” I mean, I still read it, but it’s just not what it used to be. You might remember their coverage of Aleksey Vayner (still one of the more hilarious things to happen at an Ivy in recent history), or their coverage of pre-frosh Facebook groups. Just, lately, it seems it’s lost that spark, or that particular cheeky wit that used to really pull me in.

Or it could just be that the whole thing reads like a Yale playbook.

Alex Klein, a Yale sophomore who’s one of the site’s current editors, reports on even the most minute of Yalie news. It’s understandable we’re going to get in-depth coverage from a school an editor attends, but the fact remains that not everyone’s down to read the Yale elections’ nitty-gritty. (Also: Something about gnomes, half of which I don’t understand.)

So I kind of miss the good ol’ days of the Gate, because the Princeton coverage has been, let’s face it, a little disappointing lately. Like, after the Lawnparties acts’ announcement, IvyGate threw up this short post:

The Undergraduate Student Whatever over at Princeton just announced that none other than Jimmy Fallon’s backing band will be performing, next Sunday, at an event called… “Lawnparties.” At a club called… “Quadrangle.”

I’m not sure what this “means” but something “tells” me it’s being “sarcastic” without any indication “why.” Does IvyGate hate Princeton? I think IvyGate hates Princeton.

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[UPDATED BELOW] The Princeton Tiger, our resident humor rag, has been absolutely tearing up the internets lately. Their latest video, “Discussions in Contemporary Poetry: A conversation with Paul Muldoon,” features some erudite commentary from our beloved Professor of Creative Writing. The unlikely subject: Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok.” See the deep poetic genius in action:

Juxtaposition of high and low culture! (Especially enjoyed the Lear reference.) It’s funny! Apparently, it’s this funny. And this funny. And this funny. They throw up an adorable shoutout to their poetry editor: “Oh Paul, you totally make it pop.”

So, Tiger Mag, a tip of the hat — for making this video, for making waves. And for enriching the vocabulary of a Pulitzer Prize-winning poet. (Notable additions: “crunk,” “junk.”)

UPDATE: These guys picked up on it too. Viral status is imminent.

UPDATE II: And also the Village Voice and the New York Times (!).