ONE OF PRINCETON’S MOST RIDICULOUS TWITTER ACCOUNTS, @PRINCETONHORSE, HATES THE MATHEY MOOSE, KNOWS THE WORDS TO EVERY SONG, AND IS BACK FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
Disclaimer: this interview was translated from what would sound like incoherent neighing to an untrained ear. Any mistakes are the sole responsibility of the translator.
Age: 21 (horse years)
What are the origins of Princeton Horse?
With one parent from the steppes of east asia and one parent from the local fields, the Princeton horse actually grew up and studied in Princeton township right up until he was accepted to Phillips Exeter Academy and eventually the university. His great uncle was actually one of the first horses to attend not only Princeton, but also college anywhere in the US, and was one of the first presidents of Terrace (his pictures are featured prominently in the study upstairs). The horse actually had been attending classes as a normal student for years before he started a twitter account last year and is actually rather confused by the sudden spike attention every time he goes out.
With all the shout outs from Shirley and the diploma, it looked like Princeton Horse graduated last year. Is he back for graduate school? Remedial classes?
The horse and everyone else thought that he had graduated last year, obtaining a degree in English despite his continuing poor control of the language. Only when classes started up again this year was it found that the horse had actually failed his freshman writing seminar, mainly because all his papers were neighing without any meaningful analysis. He has to return to at least make up that credit. Our theory is that President Eisgruber realized that Princeton needed the horse and this whole grade thing is just a cover to make sure the horsing continues under the new administration.
Who is your mortal enemy?
The Mathey Moose. Just look at the smug expression on that antlered freak.
Are the photos posted on Twitter candid shots or do you do photo shoots? Ever considered professional modeling?
Some of them are candid although the horse and his caretaker are hoping that our friend and follower Jane Randall ’13 who was on America’s next top model can get us the hookup with Tyra. The Princeton horse knows how to be fierce.
What is your greatest guilty pleasure?
Every full moon, the horse strips naked and neighs in the pale moonlight as he prances about Poe field. Just a horse thing, you wouldn’t understand.
Where is the best grass on campus?
The best grass on campus is definitely at Terrace… um the horse means outside on the back lawn, that grass is premium.
Will you ever reveal your true identity?
neigh-ver. Like Batman or Spiderman, the horse must keep his real identity unknown to protect those he serves
Do you know all the words to Old Nassau?
neigh neigh, ne neigh nei neigh neigh neigh,
neigh nei, neigh neigh ne neigh…
pretty much the words to every song right?
What is the most important lesson you’ve learned at Princeton?
Sometimes you have to leave the herd and make your own path. Even if your parents are pressuring you to be a top race horseand your friends are all going out to stud, you have to buck the trend make your own choices. Don’t be afraid to make an ass of yourself, and never put the cart before the horse. Remember not to always rein it in by focusing on work; horsing around can be important too.
Are you a horse down there?
No comment. You’ll have to ask the Princeton Unicorn.