5:12 PM – PDDL (Post-Dean’s Date Life)
Click here for the timelapse video of the Dean’s Date festivities!
In the meantime, congratulations all for another Dean’s Date survived. While I didn’t manage to get any work done for finals these past 24 hours, I salute those who did.
Oh, and STEM folks/test-takers who have been watching the HUM/paper-writers struggle to meet their deadline? It’s now your turn.
4:14 PM – McCosh Courtyard
Posting through a sketchy WordPress app to bring you a quick look at how a line develops
4:02 PM – Last Stretch
Back at home my French mom always had us sing “La Marseillaise” on the way to school for encouragement the mornings we had big exams. I may or may not still hum the tune to myself as I walk to my finals-believe me, it works!-but I figured this could be the perfect pick-me-up in the final hour of this jour de gloire:
Aux Armes !
3:08 PM – PTL chillin’
Shout out to all seniors who defended their theses today! Sorry we’re not sorry Dean’s Date means nothing to us. Ahhh but we do remember those days of pain. PSA for those in need of caffeine for the final 2-hour stretch:
2:50PM – Spelman
Nice of you to join us, GN. Funny you should mention affiliation gear…
It took me three years to get this sweater.
2:11 PM – My carrel, which will not exist next year
My friend BJ ’14 pointed out the unusual proliferation of eating club/Greek/Daily Princetonian/other affiliation sweatshirts over the last 24 hours, and when I looked around, he was right: Firestone was overgrown with Ivy. Last night I walked into the a room on B-floor and felt like I had stumbled into a misplaced and mistimed pickups pregame. I counted 4 on the bag-check line alone. Our current theory is this: on this very inauspicious day, when people are maxing out in all the “unwashed” and “strung-out” and “dry-skinned” and “bleary-eyed” categories, they need to retain some visible signifier that they’re desirable. No shame in that. These are trying times. But do realize we all look like poo anyway. Now throw on that mocha-stained TI pinny and pump out those last five-to-ten pages.
1:33PM – West Egg
For those who endured Baz Luhrmann’s long-awaited Great Gatsby film adaptation this past weekend, you might have felt the soundtrack was the only thing that kept you from strangling Tobey Maguire and his incessant hit-you-over-the-head-twice narration (and the flying text). So enjoy the FULL SOUNDTRACK HERE:
Featuring: Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Andre 3000, Lana Del Rey, Florence + The Machine, The xx, Gotye, Jack White, Sia, and (god forbid) Fergie.
12:42PM - EAS library, passive aggressively glaring at the whisper-talkers
When did Halls become so peppy? I think the Wa should do this with their hoagie wrappers, too. I swear, those hoagies speak to me: “Yes, honey, you can eat your stress away.”
12:00PM – Spelman
Noontime! Check out the Princeton Highsteppers killing it on the Today Show! And on DEAN’S DATE, what??
11:31 AM – reddit (no good can come of this)
Filed under “I couldn’t ask for a better end to my 10 year (off & on) relationship with college.”
Don’t you want your prof to scrawl these lovely words on your paper? THIS COULD BE YOU! Let’s GO!
10:14 AM – Firestone Library, Reading Room
If music is the only thing that can get you through those final 6 pages of your Art History essay, here are two strong mixes to do the trick.
9:49 AM – EAS library
Hang in there guys! You can almost taste the summer. After you spend 12 hour working on your paper, you can spend 12 hours a day staring at excel sheets for J.P. Morgan. WOOHOO.
8:13 AM – Back from the dead
Time for me to deliver:
The Anonymous Dean’s Date Poster Maker(s) Strikes Again!
Striking more anger and anxiety in student’s hearts than the ghost of grade deflation, we sat down with a representative of the postermaker(s) (it is unclear if there is more than just one, or whether said rep. just enjoys referring to hirself in 1st plural) to learn more.
Ink: Is this some guerilla campaign of the Writing Center?
Anon: Check the Writing Center website––it’s fully booked during Reading Period. Why should they get people riled up about writing if their appointments are already maxed out? Nay, we have different allegiances. We are Legion (as in that widely-panned movie with Dennis Quaid), and there are many of us. We hide in shadows and fear the light and carry two pieces of fruit out of Wu because no mortal laws can hold us.
Ink: You mentioned in your previous interview that you are campaigning against glorified procrastination. Do you think Princeton students are any better/worse at this than other college students?
Anon: We can’t say, having never been students at other schools. We do think we all carry some sense of academic martyrdom for having come here over anywhere we could have gone. Subconsciously believing we would be hot stuff at a less-elite school while doing less work and having more sex might make us more resentful that we’re here grinding out papers and giving/receiving half-hearted OTPHJs.
Ink: Isn’t having all papers due on one day just a bad idea in terms of workload pacing?
Anon: Absolutely. But have you ever tried getting something changed at the highest levels of University bureaucracy? Dean of the College Valerie Smith would listen to you politely and then burst into laughter once you left her office, pausing between her great guffaws to guzzle champagne diluted with students’ tears. It’s easier to encourage healthier responses to shitty policies.
Ink: Do you think you’ve changed your message/tone since the last postering campaign?
Anon: We were a little more provocative last time because we wanted to get people thinking about their attitudes toward Dean’s Date work. This time we tempered that with some heartfelt support. There’s too much self-loathing going on already; we don’t want other-loathing as well.
Ink: When was the last time you stayed up all night?
Anon: We don’t sleep. Too many posters to staple.
Ink: Why anonymity?
Anon: We’re not the heroes Princeton deserves; we’re the ones that it didn’t ask for and vaguely despises.
5:24 AM – Surrealist hell hole
With no power outlets in any reasonable place, young Sondern takes what he’s given
4:45 AM – A state of caffeinated delirium
Still in Campus Club, a brave soul toils onward. There are only a few more hours until daybreak. Make them count.
Also, this: http://ohcrapitsdeansdate.ytmnd.com/
- AJS & JR
2:45 AM – Campus Club
Jeremy Cohen ’16 created a web application that simulates ‘Prince’ comments called PrinceBot. I honestly can’t tell if some of these are real or not. Here’s one of my favorites:
2:29 – Frist
Kim Jong Will greets his subjects at Frist (apologies for the poor camera-handling)
2:10 – Lockhart
OK you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. We’ve all been there, bro. But actually. All of us. This is part of the Princeton tradition.
Do it for tradition.
1:35 – Holder
First of all, I’m super glad that I only just learned from that post below (thanks Dana!) about this whole being able to see online what washing machines and dryers are available. I guess I was a little bit late on the uptake on that one.
Second of all, Food for thought: Is Princeton’s Dean More Sadistic Than Other Deans?
Most other schools have what’s called Dean’s List, a nice list that you get put on if you do well each semester that generally comes along with congratulations and a slap on the back if you have nice parents. On the other hand, at Princeton we don’t have Dean’s List. Instead we get evil Dean’s Date, a campus-wide day of suffering. Unfortunately, with this comparison, Princeton loses.
1:28 AM – Forbes
Apparently, Dean’s Date Eve (or is it technically Dean’s Date now because it’s after midnight? #itsallablur) is the ideal time to do laundry, as ALL of the machines and dryers in the Forbes Annex laundry room are currently available. This never happens. So you’ll plan next year’s Dean’s Date accordingly? Yeah, me neither.
1:11 AM – Late night fringe
Now that it’s sufficiently late enough in our programming and our younger viewers are no longer with us, it’s time to rehash a classic DCW ’11 Dean’s Date game:
Which ‘Dean’ Would You Date?
Taking the top three “dean” searches on google (which may surprise you), contestants are:
1) Dean Martin
Best known for: The Dean Martin Show, Rat Pack, crooning voice
Date-ability: His soothing voice might calm your nerves tonight as you write.
2) Dean McDermott
Best known for: Being married to Tori Spelling,
Date-ability: Not unless you want to be on his family reality show: Tori & Dean: Inn Love.
3) Dean Cain
Best known for: Being Superman in the 90s American tv series.
Date-ability: Ladies– he’s a Princeton man! A member of Cap & Gown eating club, History major, Class of ’88– he’s everything Susan Patton would have you want! And he’s SUPERMAN. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!
Winner: Dean Cain.
But we didn’t even try the google image search results for “Dean”:
12:52 AM – Mini Firestone (aka my room)
I have accumulated so many books from the library in my room as a result of papers that I have decided to turn my quad into a mini Firestone. Anyone wishing to borrow books is welcome to stop by beginning at 10 AM tomorrow. I’ll be installing a prox swiper and hiring a book bag-checking security guard sometime this week. If you’re interested, be sure to submit an application.
To put the stack in context, that monitor in the background is 23 inches. And I actually plan on returning these books, unlike the 4 ninth grade history textbooks still sitting in my room (sorry Dr. Frank!).
12:30AM – Isitdeansdate.com
Is it Dean’s Date Yet has finally changed to reflect the truth.
11:47 PM – Whitman “Library”
Shout out to this kid for doin’ what he wants. #DGAF
11:30PM – From the #DeansDate Twitterverse
10:30 PM – Firestone Library
The notorious Princeton University Band just arrived in the atrium of Firestone Library to play a few tunes. We captured some video, brimming with aggression and angry stares. Check it out here:
10:15 PM – Outside the Art Museum
And so goes the Band, disturbing all of those pissed off students in Marquand…
10:01 PM – U-Store
It’s expected that Dean’s Date Eve proves particularly profitable for the U-Store. From chicken sandwiches to Reese’s Bars to that detergent that you suddenly realized you needed at the exact wrong time, the U-Store has got it all. Surprisingly, the U-Store doesn’t seem to prepare all too well for this evening of paper-induced food-stuffing.
As you can see from the pictures below, the U-Store has been hit pretty heavily by over-worked students. Particular favorites are 5-hour energies, chobani yogurts, water, and those over-priced colored liquids that I’m too scared to ever actually drink (I think some people call them “healthy water”).
9:55PM – Mah bed
cunt-punting (apologies, readers, I should have opted for the more culturally sensitive term, “bush-whacking”) yourself because you missed the Wafel & Dinges truck (like me), hopefully the midnight breakfasts at either Whitman or Rocky will sate you (10:30PM). In the meantime, I’m just gonna cry and look at all the waffles I can’t have.
9:38 PM – Stokes Library
Damn, that paper is looking fine tonight… said no one ever.
Here’s some better eye-candy for motivation.
9:32 PM – Frist
8:58 PM – Butler College
For those of you who respond better to the ‘stick’ than to the ‘carrot’ motivational tactic, sophomore Liz Lian has taken the liberty of parodying the internet-famous Delta Gamma sorority president’s #insaneletter to whip us back into shape just in time.
“…I do not give a flying fuck, and your professors do not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking go to the library. You had one and a half weeks to fuck around, and today is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. These remaining days are about pulling your papers out of your ass, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and go to Starbucks and not write. Newsflash you stupid cocks: PAPERS DON’T WRITE THEMSELVES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: WE’RE NOT GOING TO GET OUR PAPERS DONE IF WE FUCKING PROCRASTINATE, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING PROCRASTINATE A LOT SO FAR…”
8:39 PM – Wafels and Dinges Truck at Campus Club
The line for the Wafels and Dinges food truck at Campus Club was maybe longer than that paper you have yet to finish writing (see below). The Students Event Committee hired the truck for an after-dinner pick-me-up. Or maybe “lay–me-down” is more appropriate…
One student: Mmmm. This. Is. So. Good. OMIGOD. SO GOOD. I think I may collapse. Is death by Wafel and Dinges a legitimate excuse for not finishing my Dean’s Date papers?
Unfortunately, I don’t think so.
8:25 PM – Campus Club
Study break? I guess I wasn’t the only one…
8:17 PM – Spelman
For those writing philosophy papers, a classic Monty Python sketch:
Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a prioriadjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant, via the categorical imperative, is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside.
RA ’13 and CJ ’15 show you how real pros do Dean’s Date. UPC approves of the “2 hugs per hour rule.”
(As for my Dean’s Date headquarters, it’s a dark carrel deep, deep within Stokes, where only the bleary-eyed grad students wander and the only rule is, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”)
7:46PM – Rocky-Mathey Library (blogging from afar)
There’s a bizarre-but-awesome pillow fortress set up in the Architecture building. Absolutely no idea why it exists, but I’m hoping to sleep in it one of these nights. Some pictures below courtesy of Michael Jiang ’13.
6:24PM – sooo hungry
For some real(er) Dean’s Date writing tips, check out this email I got from my JP advisor on “Every Worst Expository Student Essay Ever.” Things to avoid include:
The Land Before Time Introduction:
Ever since dinosaurs roamed the earth, college students have started essays by crafting vague, generalizing first sentences that suggest, though not in a pushy or assertive way but, rather, vaguely, that the beginning of every argument, not to mention every attempt at scholarly narrative, should coincide with the beginning of time.
The Second Intro (guilty):
Now that this essay has offered an introduction, it’s time to offer another introduction. The first one didn’t accomplish what it meant to accomplish because it turns out that moving from dinosaurs to Virginia Woolf’s novel To the Lighthouse is too gargantuan and difficult a task to accomplish quickly.
In fact, in the largest possible sense, whatever this expository essay claims to be about—and it may not claim to be about anything, or it may, or it may do some unpredictable combination of claiming and not claiming—this essay is actually a performance of everything in the world it is possible to do with language, sentences, and paragraphs in a state of complete dissociation shaped only by a hyper-awareness of time (it is due in one hour) and of space (it must be approximately 1250 words long). In other words, this essay suggests, and indeed shows, in ways of which it is itself not conscious, that the scene of the production of its own writing is nothing more nor less than a volatile pressure cooker of radical detachment on a schedule.
6:02 PM – Marquand Library
Are you seeing the Spring green from your sunlit library window, staring catatonically at your essay prompt, and starting to feel like you’re alone? Well, you’re not. You’re not alone. And you ought to know that. In fact, you are one of many Princeton alumni, both young and old, to have given that catatonic stare to that untouched essay prompt and conquered it, and in 24 hours of time no less. We here at UPC dug up a few vintage photos of Finals period / Dean’s Date from Mudd Library to show you just how not alone you really are.
Here are three to whet your appetite.
Stay tuned for more as the night goes on.
5:38PM – Forbes
Stuck on your paper? Skip the Writing Center and consult the Princeton Betch’s list of “25 things that will make your Dean’s Date essay a real winner”:
- Staple a photo of Firestone to your paper and write “Bibliography” on it.
- If assigned a 3,000-word essay, take 3 relevant pictures and print them out. A picture’s worth a thousand words, right?
- Print your essay on materials relevant to your topic. For example, if you’re writing about Moby Dick, print your essay on a whale.
5:00PM – Frist 247
For the all-nighter is dark and full of terrors.
But never fear, because like some sexy red priestess from beyond the Seven Kingdoms, The Ink‘s bi-annual binger on the Date of the Dean will be the light that guides you through to victory– and birthing some essay-length babies in the process.
Join us for another semester of distractions, tips, goings ons, delirium and better encouragement than can be found in loud capitals on a white poster in Impact font.
By the way, stay tuned later in the day when The Ink will once again interview the elusive Dean’s Date poster-maker! This latest installment of posters seem to throw less shade than last semester’s, but the vitriol they may produce is palpable.