A towel very similar to the one I was left wearing after fire safety locked me out of my room

I’ve got a bone to pick with Fire Safety.

This is new territory for me. See, I’ve never really had a problem with Fire Safety. Sure, it was a little disconcerting to return to my room last year and find a little note telling me someone had been there, looking through my stuff trying to find anything potentially unsafe or any “obstructions” to my “means of egress.” But since I never painted my room or did anything else to my living space that required much effort, I wasn’t fined, and Fire Safety inspections just seemed like a mysterious but ultimately benign event.

That all changed this morning, when the actions of Fire Safety left me feeling exposed, chilly, and embarrassed.

Here’s what happened: