The scene: Wednesday, 12:30 pm, outside of Frist.
The crimes: Assaulting passerby’s with ‘toilet paper,’ false advertising, and generating general mayhem.
The perpetrator: Chou Chou ’13
People mingling outside of Frist on Wednesday were surprised when one student began setting up his table just under the North arches, arranging a display of rolled up paper pyramid-style. He began chucking the paper at bystanders, yelling, “Free toilet paper! You look like you want some free toilet paper!” And, off to the side, “Sir, madam, may I interest you in some toilet paper?”
When asked about his behavior, Chou explained, “The university is giving out free toilet paper! It’s double ply, just the way we want it!”
When pressed for more details, Chou glanced side to side, and muttered, “I can’t say that much. The people making me do this, well … let’s just say it starts with a ‘T’ and ends in an ‘-errace.’”
The perpetrator remained on scene for 30 minutes.
Experts believe the bizarre event was one of a series of pranks associated with eating club initiations; rumors abound of other students distributing Spanx and cigarettes throughout the week. Keep your eyes peeled for additional offerings happening today!