He only ever sought one thing in life: justice...

Oh hey freshmen, enjoying Princeton so far? Well good! Just be sure to be careful, because it’s actually one of the most dangerous places ever.

Or, there’s just a hell of a lot of theft, and druggies, and alcoholics. You’re living in South Central, basically.

A report released by Public Safety (found here) finds that in the past year, there’s been an increase in the number of campus thefts and a more prominent increase in the number of sexual assaults.

Wow, thanks sexual deviant, you’re totally making us look trashy. Go to the Wa or something, who knows what goes on in that bathroom.

And how about you, recreational drug users? Having fun over there on the golf course?

At Princeton, arrests for drug abuse violations skyrocketed from none in 2006 and 2007 to 15 in 2008, the university’s report shows.

“Most of the arrests for drug violations were made on non-students,” Davall said.

Princeton’s entire crew of dealers were wiped out in one hit. No pun intended.