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Pi Phi Tank 1Pi Phi Tank 2

[WARNING: THIS IS NOT A DOCTORED IMAGE] This is a picture of this year’s surprisingly dope Pi Phi tank, but with a sizeable, screen-printed emblem of baby Jesus on the back, perhaps an egregious printer error, perhaps a sign from the Big Man Upstairs…

Hold up, wait, what? Take another look. Nearly 200 Pi Phi sisters ordered upwards of 200 of these guys. The first size-small tank picked out of the box, the only christened one of the bunch – baby Jesus.

Delve into this right quick: it looks like there’s a real Jesus chilling at the bottom of the circle being pampered by a couple of biblical-looking people, which also might be statues, and a shining baby Jesus placed front and center occupying the attention of the rest of the people-statues. Additionally, you can see a tall unidentifiable object on the right hand side, which, by my educated guess, resembles a really tall parakeet, also some hovering angels and a gargoyle. I doubt that this printing mistake was deliberate. I also wonder who would ever order a tank top (or really any article of clothing) with something like this on it, i.e., why (a) this particular screen print even exists and (b) it would ever come near a black tank top, specifically one within a custom t-shirt facility capable of producing the design on the front side.

I’m not going to dig very deep in to this mystery since I think this is one of those things that is better left unexamined, especially considering the religious persuasion often associated with the group (Pi Phi realigning itself with phamily values?). But just to be clear, the rest of the gear had no extraneous religious artwork, no printing error, no baby Jesus scene – a description which I promise understates the peculiarity of the item. This tank, which is currently (and forever) in my possession, may be the most meaningful piece of sorority-related gear to grace this campus. I’m talking ‘Virgin Mary grilled cheese’ status.

Pi Phi Tank 3