This is you. (from Edsgonesouth.com)

Oh, hey, it’s the end of March! I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’ve recently asked yourself what you’re going to be doing with the rest of your life.

Let’s try that.

Imagine your future. It’s looking good. The market’s bouncing back, and you’re not getting any of those accusatory glances when you tell people you work in finance–well, except for every year at Reunions, when you run into your Woody Woo classmates who are Just back for the weekend! before going abroad to help run elections in yet another small developing nation. But whatever, because things are going well for you! Waking up at 5 am? You were always an early riser! Working on Sunday? It’s not like you’re religious! Most importantly, you genuinely enjoy investment banking, and it’s just a nice plus that you’re making–we’re all friends here, let’s not be coy–$125K. LOL, yeah, you’re doing OK.

FLIP THE SWITCH:

You thought about going to grad school, but you know what? What you really want to do is be a freelance writer. Sorry, Mom and Dad, you’re going to be poor, but on the bright side, you’re putting that English degree to use. And it’s going to happen for you, even if you have to eat soup made of hot water and crushed vitamins for a little while, and even if you have to spend the summer months living in a storage shed in the backyard of your friend’s house in East Williamsburg. OK, Bushwick. Whatever, man, you’re following your dreams! That takes sacrifice, and these crazy stories–Yes, you even went on food stamps, cuh-razy!–are just going to make your memoirs that much more compelling. In the mean time, you’ll do what you can to get by.

Like, dog-walking. That’s what one Princetonian is trying to do, according to his enthusiastic Craigslist ad:

HEY RICH-ASS DOG OWNERS:

Are you at the office 23 hours a day in a coke-fueled effort to squeeze every last penny out of your 20s and 30s?

Are you going out of town with your post-divorce trophy-girlfriend to visit your slave ship collection in the Barbados?

Do you work for a corporation that received TARP money?

I AM YOUR DOG-WALKER.

The self-described “dopest, most swagged-out LEGEND OF THE UNIVERSE dog-walking champion of New York City” is offering his services to Upper East Siders for $15 an hour–while wearing a Princeton lettermen’s sweater, no less.

Full Craigslist post after the jump. (h/t Sarah Vitali)