But then I stumbled upon this 1930 ad for Scott Toilet Tissue (click the picture to enlarge):

“Women are especially susceptible, doctors say, to troubles caused by harsh toilet tissue. There is no form of human illness quite so humiliating as rectal trouble… At least FIFTEEN PAINFUL DISEASES can be caused or aggravated by improper tissue, warns a prominent New York Hospital specialist.”

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I am not a woman.  But you know what?  My mother is a woman.  My sister is a woman.  My best friend from high school is even a woman.  In total, almost half of the people I know are women, and the truth is that I wouldn’t wish a painful disease, let alone fifteen, on any of them.  The truth is, what affects them, affects me.

And if it’s two-ply they need, then it’s two-ply they ought to receive.  Come on, Princeton.  Do the right thing.

(image from Vintage Ads via Jezebel)

Scientists have long known that exercise stimulates the creation of new brain cells, and some believe that’s the reason working out tends to have an antidepressant effect. A study by Princeton scientists has found that cells that are created from running don’t respond to stress in the same way regular ol’ lazy-people cells do, according to an article in the New York Times.

These “exercise-created” cells express fewer stress genes than regular cells do in stressful situations. If you’re a rat.

The researchers experimented with two groups of rats, only one of which was allowed to run. Then the rats were made to swim in cold water (which the Times tells us helpfully, “they don’t like to do”) and their brain cells were monitored.

The “cells born from running,” the researchers concluded, appeared to have been “specifically buffered from exposure to a stressful experience.” The rats had created, through running, a brain that seemed biochemically, molecularly, calm.

Other studies have shown that this effect is consistent with not only physical stress, but also emotional stress. In one experiment, rats were injected with an oxidative chemical that artificially raised their stress levels and then placed in an unfamiliar area. Rats that had exercised were “relatively nonchalant” and explored the area. Rats that did not exercise hid in dark corners. So.

“It looks more and more like the positive stress of exercise prepares cells and structures and pathways within the brain so that they’re more equipped to handle stress in other forms,” says Michael Hopkins, a graduate student affiliated with the Neurobiology of Learning and Memory Laboratory at Dartmouth, who has been studying how exercise differently affects thinking and emotion. “It’s pretty amazing, really, that you can get this translation from the realm of purely physical stresses to the realm of psychological stressors.”

OK, and here is the part where I actually motivate you to start going to the gym. Working out will help your brain cells not die.

Anxiety in rodents and people has been linked with excessive oxidative stress, which can lead to cell death, including in the brain. Moderate exercise, though, appears to dampen the effects of oxidative stress.

I may not eat in the dining halls as much as I once did, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed some of the big changes that have taken place since I was a freshman.

Here are a few “improvements” that have taken place in the last few years…

1. Healthier Food (Biggest Offender: Whitman)
Maybe I’m way off base here, but I thought the point of being in college was being able to clog my arteries for four years without any repercussions. Back in the day, I could have sworn that there were at least two fried options every night, in every dining hall. Delicious. I could have fried chicken, with a side of French Fries, and a fat-full bowl of ice cream. I wouldn’t need to eat again for at least another hour or two.

These days, though, fried food is frowned up. Apparently it’s “bad for you,” or some such nonsense. If it were so bad for me, then why does it taste so incredible? You really just can’t get the same sort of satisfaction out of a tofu steak or a wheatgrass burger. Don’t even get me started on the salad bar.

2. No Breaded Chicken Cutlets (Biggest Offender: Forbes)
Freshman year, this was all I ate. Every day, probably twice a day. You top this bad boy with some cheese, maybe even double-stack it? Like an orgasm in your mouth. (That came out funny, never mind). Let’s just say it can make you believe in a food God. So you can only imagine my reaction when I returned for sophomore year and the deep fryer had been removed from the Forbes Grill.  Actually, you don’t have to imagine. Someone was on hand to videotape it (ignore the intro).

As you can see, I was not thrilled. Now I venture far and wide to find Dining Halls that can satisfy my breaded chicken cutlet urges. They are frequent. In fact, I’m going to get one right now. Part Two coming next week…

Our favorite swine flu image.

Sixteen new cases of flu-like illness were identified by UHS within a 24 hour period between Monday and Tuesday, University spokeswoman Emily Aronson said this afternoon. This brings the total number of cases at the University since August 30 to 80. These cases have generally been mild, Aronson said.

“These figures are consistent with what we’ve been told that other colleges have experienced once students return to campus,” Aronson said. “Classes did not start here until last week on Sept. 1, so it was expected that we would experience an increase in flu-like illness once students returned to campus after the summer.”

But on to more important matters:

If you’re wondering what’s in those swine flu kits: “face masks, temperature dots (to allow students to take their own temperature), hand sanitizer, facial tissues, tea, soup mix, and a copy of a UHS instructional flier…” Aronson said.

We can’t be the only ones who think temperature dots sound really fun. What are they? A quick Google search turns up chemical dot thermometers. We are thinking more…stickers for your forehead.