As a member of a guilty quad that has been graciously spared the wrath of Fire Safety fines three times this year, I really shouldn’t be poking fun at them.

More on this later.

But come on– tapestries? Princetonians, take note. Here are some Fire Safety notices about dorm room fixtures that, who would have thought, aren’t kosher (a shout out to my Passover Jews):

“UMBRELLA IN DOOR: $25.00″

“TAPESTRY – should be placed against wall: $0.00″

“REMOVE SHOES FROM HALLWAY/STAIRWELL: $25.00″

Additional student-submitted violations:

“$50 for a chin-up bar in a doorway (way above anyone’s head)”– DK

“Unsanitary and/or excessively disorderly conditions. Remove excess: clothing on floor. $0.00.”– AF

“We had an exit sign pointing at the door and they stole it and charged us for it. $25.” –JTG

“I got a warning for having a pillow fort in the hallway.” — NA

So, how does one get around these fines and regulations? In my case, have a violation so large that Fire Safety cannot do anything about it.