We are very douchey, according to the fine folks at GQ, because we attend Princeton. And no, we aren’t talking about feminine hygiene products. (Dear God, why would you even think that?) More accurately, we are the third douchiest college in America, based on a completely unscientific mishmash of schools GQ editors generated from the depths of their Condé Nast cubicles. (Harvard is rated fourth, and Brown is ranked number one, just in case you’re keeping score. Duke is ranked second, and Yale is a no-sh0w.)

GQ explains its hilarious methodology:

First we think about people who annoy us or whom we’re just really, really threatened by. Then we write down what colleges they went to. And if we don’t know, we say, like: ‘That guy seems like he went to Princeton, don’t you think?’ Then we make up rankings for the colleges, order Thai food, and add Duke to every category. Sorry!

Thus, in this month’s issue, Princeton is dubbed “The Eating-Club Douche” because, according to the magazine, we say things like, “Hey, didn’t I see you at the Cap & Gown Club?” I mean, of course. We say things like, “Hey, didn’t I see you at the Quadrangle Club?” and “Will I be seeing you at our Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs preceptorial this afternoon?” all the time. Don’t you?

More after the jump: