So you know Princeton’s a ghetto. We’ve already mapped out the Bloods/Crips/Latin Kings turf for you (watch out Forbes!). What’s the deal now? Who do you call for help?

There’s only one name in town. Y’know.

Time and again, we’ve written about Public Safety’s obsessive pursuit of justice. Cracking down on water guns, relentlessly pursuing obscene nudists. But, they don’t pursue justice all day, every day, do they?

But of course they do! If you don’t believe me, check out the P. Safe blotter here. There are some serious gems every now and then, and we’ve rounded up some of the best in the last week for you.

Here’s what’s gone down in the past few days.

Just one more thing. Wait. Hold on - its actually on the tip of my tongue...

The Case of the Tainted Whiteboard

Where?: Witherspoon

When?: Saturday

What?: “Criminal mischief.”

A PRINCETON UNIVERSITY STUDENT, REPORTED AN UNKNOWN PERSON(S) WROTE AN OBSCENE MESSAGE ON THEIR MESSAGE BOARD OUTSIDE OF THEIR ROOM. UNIT DISPATCHED. INVESTIGATION REVEALED THE ACT OCCURRED DURING THE PREVIOUS NIGHT. NO SUSPECTS OR WITNESSES HAVE DEVELOPED. REPORTED FILED; INVESTIGATION TO CONTINUE.

I don’t want to go all Columbo on this, but, I bet anyone could guess what happened. Some guys came back drunk from the Street, saw a fresh, unsullied whiteboard, and proceeded to draw male genitalia/write sexually charged messages on it. Real mature, guys.

Hopefully there isn’t going to be any of that continuing investigation on this ol’ humdinger.

Case?: SOLVED.