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So you know Princeton’s a ghetto. We’ve already mapped out the Bloods/Crips/Latin Kings turf for you (watch out Forbes!). What’s the deal now? Who do you call for help?

There’s only one name in town. Y’know.

Time and again, we’ve written about Public Safety’s obsessive pursuit of justice. Cracking down on water guns, relentlessly pursuing obscene nudists. But, they don’t pursue justice all day, every day, do they?

But of course they do! If you don’t believe me, check out the P. Safe blotter here. There are some serious gems every now and then, and we’ve rounded up some of the best in the last week for you.

Here’s what’s gone down in the past few days.

Just one more thing. Wait. Hold on - its actually on the tip of my tongue...

Just one more thing. Wait. Hold on - its actually on the tip of my tongue...

The Case of the Tainted Whiteboard

Where?: Witherspoon

When?: Saturday

What?: “Criminal mischief.”

A PRINCETON UNIVERSITY STUDENT, REPORTED AN UNKNOWN PERSON(S) WROTE AN OBSCENE MESSAGE ON THEIR MESSAGE BOARD OUTSIDE OF THEIR ROOM. UNIT DISPATCHED. INVESTIGATION REVEALED THE ACT OCCURRED DURING THE PREVIOUS NIGHT. NO SUSPECTS OR WITNESSES HAVE DEVELOPED. REPORTED FILED; INVESTIGATION TO CONTINUE.

I don’t want to go all Columbo on this, but, I bet anyone could guess what happened. Some guys came back drunk from the Street, saw a fresh, unsullied whiteboard, and proceeded to draw male genitalia/write sexually charged messages on it. Real mature, guys.

Hopefully there isn’t going to be any of that continuing investigation on this ol’ humdinger.

Case?: SOLVED.

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jimthompson_1The CIA’s on campus this week searching for new recruits.  While I won’t be signing up for an interview (OR WILL I?  ESPIONAGE!), their arrival did make me think of my favorite Princeton spook, Jim Thompson, whose life – and death – reads like something straight out of a spy novel.

Born to a wealthy family in Delaware, then educated at St. Paul’s School and Princeton (Class of ‘28), Thompson left a career as a high-society architect in New York to join the Office of Strategic Services (OSS), the precursor to today’s CIA.

His first job after World War II was to set up the OSS’s bureau in Bangkok, Thailand.  By day Thompson made contacts with Southeast Asia’s radical leftists, hoping to sway them to the American side; by night, he established himself as a fixture of Bangkok’s reemerging expat scene.  After retiring from the OSS in the late ‘40s, Thompson set his sights on a new venture: silkmaking.

Working closely with artisans from the country’s impoverished northeast, Thompson set about reviving the dying art of traditional Thai silk weaving. The venture made him millions and earned him worldwide fame as the “Silk King”.  Thompson used his earnings to build a huge, antiquities-filled mansion in the heart of Bangkok (which you can still visit today; it’s a must-see for any Princetonian in Thailand).

Then, on Easter Sunday 1967, Thompson vanished while walking alone in Malaysia’s Cameron Highlands.  He was never heard from again.

What happened to Jim Thompson, one of Southeast Asia’s richest men?  No one can say for sure. But as related in two separate Princeton Alumni Weekly articles, sinister theories abound:

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(image source: dailyprincetonian.com)

(image source: dailyprincetonian.com)

An alumnus from the Class of 1945 recently wrote a letter to the Princeton Alumni Weekly bemoaning the feminization of Princeton since the introduction of coeducation in 1969.

My fear is that the Princeton Univer-sity I knew has been taken over by a female majority (for better or worse). I am surprised that other male graduates are not upset by these developments.

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(image source: maryellenmark.com)

(image source: maryellenmark.com)

After Jack Bauer headbutted Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough at an afterparty for the Met Costume Institute Gala last week, Brooke Shields ’87 came to his defense–

Wait. Can we repeat that?

Jack Bauer headbutted someone. And broke his nose. McCollough needed surgery.

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Bush '06 ends world hunger, starts own fashion line

Bush '06 ends world hunger, starts own fashion line

Lauren Bush ’06, Dubya’s niece and model, has done a lot since graduating with an anthropology major three years ago. Last summer, she launched the FEED 100 Campaign, which sells stylish burlap bags to put food in the mouths of hungry Rwandan children. For instance, if you purchase a $30 bag, you will provide 100 school meals! And you if buy a $60 bag, you will feed one child for an entire school year! Average cost to feed one Princeton upperclassman for an entire school year? $6,960.

But Lauren must do more good! You know, “In the Nation’s Service” blah blah. She has just launched her own fashion line, called Lauren Pierce, which made its debut at Barney’s last month. Her line uses eco-friendly materials, and each collection will support a charitable organization. It’s like she’s her uncle, George W., except the opposite. And did we mention she’s hot? And dating Ralph Lauren’s son?

Pictures of her Spring ’09 collection after the jump:

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The New York Times recently profiled Pres. Obama’s budget director, Peter Orszag ’91, who has been tasked with the unenviable job of overseeing the federal budget. We learn that he is a “supernerd” with grand ambitions:

Everything about the way he has interpreted his new job speaks of ambition: the policy heavyweights he has hired for the Office of Management and Budget, his efforts to persuade cabinet secretaries to let him help shape their plans, a public profile as high as that of any budget director since David A. Stockman’s polarizing tenure under Ronald Reagan a quarter-century ago.

He is also a sex symbol?

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