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2013 CLASS DAY SPEAKER, PULITZER PRIZE WINNER, AND NEW YORKER EDITOR DAVID REMNICK ’81 LOVES UMLAUTS, PJ’S WAFFLES, AND THINKS TINA BROWN COULD BEAT ZOMBIE LENIN IN A FIGHT. ALSO A HOMEBOY.

Name:
 David Remnick
Major: Comparative Literature
Hometown: Hillsdale, NJ
Residential college/eating club affiliation: Wilson College

 

For those seniors who may have never heard of you, how would you describe yourself?
As a guy who got a D in Russian at Princeton–and then made his stripes…where else?… in Russia. There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

Who’s your favorite Princetonian, living or dead, real or fictional?
Albert Einstein (he counts, right?) and Robert Cohn, the impotent boxer in “The Sun Also Rises.” And some classmates: Elena Kagan, for sure.

Steve Carell, last year’s Class Day speaker, is a hard act to follow. What’s your game plan?
Hire Steve Carell to write my speech.

What’s your greatest guilty pleasure?
If I counted up the hours lost to watching uniformed people tossing, whacking or carrying various-shaped balls on television, I would probably drink hemlock.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day?
Read, edit, cajole, beg, hope. And that’s not even a sentence, strictly speaking.

What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in Princeton?
Waffles at PJ’s. In an altered state.

What are your thoughts on the future of journalism?
That there is one. Because without real journalism– innovative, aggressive, tough-minded, fair journalism– you’ve got North Korea.

What’s your drink?
I am not very particular.

What’s your personal anthem?
The Miles Davis classic: “So What?”

What makes you laugh?
Almost everything.

What makes you cry?
Death and onions.

Who’s your mortal enemy?
Anyone who thrives on cruelty.

Who would win in a fight, former New Yorker editor Tina Brown or a reanimated Vladimir Lenin zombie?
Tina.

What magazine/newspapers do you read besides The New Yorker?
Too many to name, but, for starters, The Times, The Washington Post, Haaretz, Al Jazeera online, some Russian papers, The New York Review of Books, The Atlantic, The New Republic, Rolling Stone, loads of websites…anyway, a cascade of things.

Favorite New Yorker cover of all time?
Damn near anything by the great Saul Steinberg.

Umlauts. How do you feel about them?
I feel goöd about them.

When’s bedtime?
Midnight to five, five-thirty.

Favorite spot on Princeton’s campus?
The basement of East Pyne, where I (tried to) learn Russian and in various other classrooms scattered around the building, where I got to study with Bob Hollander, John McPhee, Sandy Bermann, Bob Fagles, and Suzanne Nash. I’m pretty fond, too, of wherever P. Adams Sitney was showing movies. And since the drinking age then was eighteen, what you know as a place to get coffee was once called “The Pub.” Trust me, “the Pub” was better. Or so I recall.

Favorite class you took at Princeton?
A dead heat: Robert Hollander’s Dante course and John McPhee’s writing seminar.

What grammar mistake do you find most annoying?
Are you sure that question is grammatical?

What makes someone a Princetonian?
God willing, not an obnoxious question like the previous. What it has meant lately is that you had the chance to be there under a truly great university president. Shirley ruled; she rules; and will always rule. She really set an example on every level.

Apr 5, 2013

21 Questions with David Remnick ’81

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Credit: hercampus

Enough has already been said all over the Internet about the letter to the ‘Prince’ editor that Susan A. Patton ’77 wrote imploring us Princeton women to “find a husband on campus before [we] graduate,” because: “the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you.”

All I can think about is that scene in My Cousin Vinny, with Marisa Tomei bemoaning to Joe Pesci about her ticking biological clock. Floral jumpsuit and all.

In a reply to NY Mag, Patton said: ”I’m astounded by the extreme reaction. Honestly, I just thought this was some good advice from a Jewish mother.”

On the surface, the letter does sound like she just wants someone to date her nice, Jewish son (Class of 2014 goyim like me need not apply), but it’s more than that.

Patton, newly divorced, says she wishes she had married a Princetonian, because her own ex-husband “went to a school of almost no name recognition” and “had no respect for the hoopla, the traditions, the allegiance, the orange and black.” Meanwhile, I still refuse to do the Nazi-fist in “Old Nassau” because holy shit does this ever look normal?

What’s more, Patton’s own experience with her parents while going to Princeton, which she wrote about in a 2006 Princeton Alumni Weekly article, tellingly reveals something about her current stance on marriage. That is:

[Going to Princeton] was upsetting and shameful to my parents.

I would be the first woman in my family to attend college.  The necessity of my continued education eluded my mother and father. My leaving their home before marriage was an utter disgrace to them. Princeton was unknown to my parents.  They saw no honor in my admission to such a prestigious institution, and they were confident that I should be investing myself in other things.  It wouldn’t have mattered where I wanted to go away to school. They were adamant that a young girl’s place is in her parents’ home, until she is in her husband’s home.  European immigrants and concentration camp survivors, my parents couldn’t understand why at 18 years old, I didn’t direct my efforts towards finding a mate…

The fact that Patton was an emancipated minor, who had to support herself because her Holocaust-surviving parents so adamantly valued her marriage potential over her education, speaks to the struggles and trauma of being a single educated first-generation immigrant woman back in 1977.

Which is why it’s extremely disappointing to hear that the pioneering Patton would re-enact that shame on her would-be daughters with essentially a (slightly more pro-education, but tragically elitist) version of what her parents prescribed onto her: find a “worthy” mate, get married before it’s too late.

“Because these are the best guys,” Patton says to NY Mag. “You’ll meet wonderful men outside of Princeton, but you’ll never have the numbers in your favor the way you do now.”

Or, as Meredith Shiner said it best: “Michelle Obama really screwed up not marrying a classmate at Princeton.”

Mar 30, 2013

‘Find a Husband’ Princeton Alum is Your Jewish Mother

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We’ve all heard about Woodrow Wilson, Michelle Obama, and Brooke Shields at Princeton. But what about all of the fictional characters who have matriculated at this great, ivy-bathed institution?

It seems the University can’t get enough of our fake alumni:

DID YOU KNOW: Princeton has a Program in Linguistics, but contrary to what you may have seen on TV, “30 Rock” character Jack Donaghy was never employed there to read every English word to canonize the language in his perfect American accent.

- Princeton University’s Official Facebook, 2011

While Alec Baldwin’s big-time network executive character doesn’t seem like an unlikely character you might meet at Reunions, The Ink has decided to weigh in on how some of Princeton’s other faux-alums stack up:

THE UPC GUIDE TO FAKE PRINCETON ALUMNI

Bruce Wayne, revealed in Batman Begins
Plausibility: High. Just think about the donations the Wayne family could give to the endowment.
Major: Economics with a Certificate in Laying Chicks, I suspect.

Sam Seaborn, from The West Wing
Plausibility: A high-powered speech writer and political guru – sounds about right.
Major: Woody Woo
Trivia Point: His Secret Service codename is “Princeton.”

Doogie Howser, M.D., from Doogie Howser, M.D.
Plausibility: Questionable, but not unlikely. He’s a child prodigy who supposedly graduated from Princeton at age 10. In 1983. (But he’s white and not a woman, so he might have fit in with the lil’ old boys’ club.)
Major: Whatever gets kids into med school these days.
Fantasy Senior Thesis: “Riding Unicorns: How I Met Your Mother and Fooled Her into Thinking I Was Into Her”

Will Smith, from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Plausibility: Well, the proof is in the interview. (Just imagine Janet Rapelye in this situation.)

Major: ORFE, assuming they can all solve Rubik’s Cubes too.

Dr. Manhattan, from Watchmen
Plausibility: VERY High. (Blue is diversity points.)
Major: Atomic Physics, World Destruction
Probable Senior Thesis: “Tachyons: Not a Plot Point”

Princess Mia Thermopolis (aka Anne Hathaway), from Princess Diaries 2
Plausibility: Unlikely. Just because Princeton has castles does not make it the appropriate place for every Disney princess.
Major: The movie says Woody Woo. But maybe she only picked it because it was still in its heyday of selectivity?

Sam Montgomery (aka Hilary Duff), from A Cinderella Story
Plausibility: See above on princesses. Queens, however, we accept.
Major: Comp Lit
Trivia Point: “RaspberrySmoothie” gets hilariously upset in this College Confidential chatroom about how unfair it is that Princeton admits Duff’s character:

I can’t believe she got into Princeton! Nowhere once in that movie did I see her studying, working, or doing anything but moaning about how much her stepmother sucked. And she wasn’t even geographically diverse, a legacy, award-winning, or a minority. What a slacker.

Amory Blaine, from Fitzgerald’s This Side of Paradise
Plausibility: High. The character is based off of Fitzgerald, a Princeton graduate drop-out himself.
Major: Literature or Philosophy. He would deem anything else too vocational.

Fred Flintstone, from the Flintstones
Plausibility: Based on this episode, the University was appropriately named “Princestone” in Fred’s time. Just ask John Nash, he’ll remember.
Major: Wheel and Fire Engineering (WAFE)

Some other non-canonical alumni include: Charlie Epps from “Numb3rs,” President Charles Logan from “24,” Paul Kinsey from “Mad Men,” and Angelina Jolie’s Russian spy character in that one movie no one watched called “Salt.”

Can you imagine how crazy Reunions would be with all these characters?

a collaboration by Oren Fliegelman ’16, Vivienne Chen ’14

Feb 17, 2013

Princeton’s Famous (Fictional) Alumni

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The University hardly waited for the prefrosh to leave before they began setting up for Reunions, plural, with a capital R. Expect to start seeing full fences go up soon, making it impossible to take shortcuts (unless you’re particularly good at hopping the ten-foot-tall wooden blockades meant to keep strangers out and beer-wielding alum in).

Taking down the Prefrosh Tent even the electricity posts for Reunions fences go up

Taking down the Prefrosh Tent even as the electricity posts for Reunions fences go up

Apr 30, 2012

Goodbye Prefrosh, Hello Reunions

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Best First Lady ever? Michelle Obama ’85 visited Alice Deal Middle School in Washington, DC, today where students performed a dance choreographed by Beyonce. The First Lady joined in–watch the video above.

“Beyoncé is one of my favorite performers on the planet.  And when she agreed to remake her video and do this “Let’s Move” flash workout, I was so excited, because this is what we’ve been talking about — that exercise and moving can be fun,” Mrs. Obama said, “It’s about dancing, it’s about moving.”

(via ABC News)

May 3, 2011

Michelle Obama ’85 Will Teach You How to Dougie

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Reunions 2002: Keg Bed

Reunions 2002: Keg Bed

Like an atom bomb or the end of the world or the Macy’s Day Parade. Whether or not you knew it, Reunions (i.e. “the perennial Ivy League blowout kegger” referred to in a GQ exposé last year) are coming. Can’t you hear it — the pitter-patter of hundreds of alumni footsteps, canes and wheelchairs, the slurping from special edition beer cans, the loudness of Reunions’ token wardrobe?

Maybe not. Or, at least not yet, with Houseparties a few days away and all. But rest assured, the countdown has begun at www.countdowntoreunions.com, which gives an up-to-the-second reminder of the time between now and when the May-hem begins.

This screen shot will become increasingly less relevant over time.

This screenshot will become increasingly less relevant over time.

Personally, the design of the site seems all too familiar.  That font and the angular, borderless orange rectangle schema are symbols of official University webpage underdesign. I’m talking about those sites only seen momentarily in the deepest stages of room draw. Also, how did we get the web address? Not that it’s the most desireable web address (certainly not as desireable as www.pancakes.com, the homepage of PJ’s Pancake House), but the page doesn’t even mention the University.

Anyhow, Reunions are all about bold moves and in the Orange Bubble, no other reunions (lowercase) exist.  Just ask the folks over at www.princetonreunions.com, who call it “an experiment focused on age and agelessness, immaturity and maturation.”

Apr 25, 2011

Reminding You That Reunions Are Ever-Approaching

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UPC 25 -- weve expanded our memberships demographic since then (via PAW)

UPC '25 -- we've expanded our membership's demographic since then (via PAW)

Ever wanted to write for a real newspaper? Had the urge to dig around for a hot story? Have you ever felt the burning desire to contribute to this fine online publication?

Well, now’s your chance. UPC would like to extend an invitation to all freshmen and sophomores to come audition for membership in the University Press Club. But first, allow us a minute to introduce ourselves (since we do a lot more than just publish this here blog):

The University Press Club has provided undergraduate members with the opportunity to work with regional newspapers as stringers for the past 110 years. The Club has been a defining aspect of the Princeton experience for hundreds of its alumni throughout the century. These graduate members are actively involved in the Club’s development, and serve as invaluable resources to Club members. Our alumni include David Remnick ’81, Editor-in-Chief of the New Yorker; Mike McCurry ’76, former Press Secretary to the Clinton White House; Wendy Kopp ’89, founder of Teach for America; Todd Purdum ’82, National Editor of Vanity Fair; Adam Frankel ’03, speechwriter to President Barack Obama; and numerous other leaders of their fields.

As an undergraduate member, you’ll be working with professional editors at newspapers like the Trenton Times, New Jersey’s Star-Ledger, the Princeton Alumni Weekly, The New York Times, the Huffington Post; you’ll be compensated for your services; you’ll collaborate with us to produce “The Ink”; you’ll be paired up with one of our alumni in a mentor relationship; and you’ll have fun doing it. Promise.

Well, there’s the spiel.

If the Press Club sounds like something you might be interested in, come to our open houses, all in McCosh 64:

  • Tomorrow, Thursday, September 23, at 8:30 PM
  • Thursday, September 23, at 10:00 PM
  • Monday, September 27, at 4:30 PM

There’s a Facebook event, which is here. To learn more about us, check out our “About” page, read about our members here, and take a look at our really long history.

Remember, no prior journalism experience is needed to try out; our candidates’ period is a crash-course in writing, news style, and reporting.

If you have any questions about the Press Club but can’t make it to any of the meetings, shoot us an email at pressclb at princeton.edu.

With love,

UPC

Sep 22, 2010

Meet the Press Club: An invitation to our open house

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(source: paw.princeton.edu)

(source: paw.princeton.edu)

Think of this piece as an introduction to Princeton FML, your virtual window into the life of a Princeton undergraduate.

It might not be the most graceful — or eloquent — way to complain, but it’s probably the easiest. “FML.” The last two letters stand for “my life,” and it shouldn’t be too hard to guess what the “F” means. The phrase popped into existence in 2008 with the website Fmylife.com, where anonymous users post “FMLs” to be voted up or down. Soon after, a freshman at Harvard launched a network of college-specific sites.

But PrincetonFML, which has seen more than 80,000 unique visitors so far this year — and almost 2 million page views — may be the most popular.

Read on in the latest issue of the Princeton Alumni Weekly.

Sep 19, 2010

IN PRINT: So now the alumni know

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Patterson: the inebriated protagonist of his Reunions tell-all

Patterson: the inebriated protagonist of his Reunions tell-all

We have a good thing going here at Princeton — even years after you graduate, you can come back and be an underclassman again for a weekend in May, reveling in all the debauchery that entails, at Princeton Reunions.

But it’s relatively hush-hush, you know? Sure it’s a huge party, but we manage to keep the degree of insanity under wraps and come out looking like… well, like we went to Princeton. Our little secret, yeah?

Until this month’s issue of GQ came out, which features an exposé of last year’s Reunions — you may have already seen a Google Docs scan of it making rounds on a couple listservs (which we’re technically not allowed to link to here, what with copyright and all). The piece, by Troy Patterson ’96 and titled “The Smart Man’s ‘Jersey Shore’” (cringe), makes Woodrow Wilson roll in his grave:

Continue reading…

May 25, 2010

This month’s GQ lays bare Princeton’s reunions secrets

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from ivy-style.com

from ivy-style.com

The most recent issue of the Princeton Alumni Weekly has two articles that shed some light on what life at Princeton is like.

  1. According to some pre-frosh, the world outside Fitzrandolph Gate thinks we are “squares,” with “windswept hair,” “weird shorts,” and “boat shoes and everything.” This may in fact be true.
  2. More serious, but also true: From navigating financial aid applications without a Social Security number to being unable to study abroad, undocumented students at Princeton face more obstacles to graduation than a few pesky Dean’s Dates. Yet they’ve gone on to great things. The Princeton DREAM team, which began at a dinner at Professor Patricia Fernandez-Kelly’s home, recently organized a week of events to raise awareness of the plight of thousands of undocumented students in the United States. The team supports the DREAM Act, which would offer a path to citizenship for eligible undocumented youth who complete a college degree or two years of military service.

Read these articles and more in the Princeton Alumni Weekly.

May 12, 2010

IN PRINT: On prefrosh impressions, and undocumented students at Princeton

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Party hard, Ivy Leaguers! (source: http://www.ivyplussociety.org/recent.html)

While we joke that this blessed Orange Bubble of ours is pretty darn all-consuming, especially with the vaguely incestuous dating pool that is our campus, it’s undeniable that Princeton alums are a bit…shall we say…into the whole alumni thing.  They chant, they booze it up at Reunions every year (“Yeah guys, third reunion! CHUG!”), they wear ridiculously ugly orange-and-black sport coats like they’re going out of style (oh wait: they never were in style)…

…they join Ivy League networking communities and  Ivies-Only dating clubs?

Continue reading…

Feb 26, 2010

Once a Tiger, Always a Tiger…

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So you know Princeton’s a ghetto. We’ve already mapped out the Bloods/Crips/Latin Kings turf for you (watch out Forbes!). What’s the deal now? Who do you call for help?

There’s only one name in town. Y’know.

Time and again, we’ve written about Public Safety’s obsessive pursuit of justice. Cracking down on water guns, relentlessly pursuing obscene nudists. But, they don’t pursue justice all day, every day, do they?

But of course they do! If you don’t believe me, check out the P. Safe blotter here. There are some serious gems every now and then, and we’ve rounded up some of the best in the last week for you.

Here’s what’s gone down in the past few days.

Just one more thing. Wait. Hold on - its actually on the tip of my tongue...

Just one more thing. Wait. Hold on - its actually on the tip of my tongue...

The Case of the Tainted Whiteboard

Where?: Witherspoon

When?: Saturday

What?: “Criminal mischief.”

A PRINCETON UNIVERSITY STUDENT, REPORTED AN UNKNOWN PERSON(S) WROTE AN OBSCENE MESSAGE ON THEIR MESSAGE BOARD OUTSIDE OF THEIR ROOM. UNIT DISPATCHED. INVESTIGATION REVEALED THE ACT OCCURRED DURING THE PREVIOUS NIGHT. NO SUSPECTS OR WITNESSES HAVE DEVELOPED. REPORTED FILED; INVESTIGATION TO CONTINUE.

I don’t want to go all Columbo on this, but, I bet anyone could guess what happened. Some guys came back drunk from the Street, saw a fresh, unsullied whiteboard, and proceeded to draw male genitalia/write sexually charged messages on it. Real mature, guys.

Hopefully there isn’t going to be any of that continuing investigation on this ol’ humdinger.

Case?: SOLVED.

Continue reading…

Oct 27, 2009

Safety Watch: Ficus Edition

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