image source: http://elem.com/~btilly/effective-ab-testing/

Dearest seniors,

As you work through all those intellectual and logistical hurdles of thesis chapter drafts, remember the words your third-grade teacher would chant before every spelling test: “Put your name at the top of the page.” Below is an email sent out to English seniors after one hurried (or humble?) (or ashamed?) senior submitted a nameless thesis chapter to the department:

Subject: Draft

Someone dropped off a 20-page thesis draft w/o a name.  It is titled “The Blood Cycle.”   Who are you?

Best, Marcia

It seems Princeton won’t let this thesis exist among its peers—Beowulf, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, A Woman in Berlin—as an authorless document. Keep chipping away at those pages, thesis fairy. You won’t walk out of the gates without a name. But if you slip some thesis pages under my pillow, I won’t ask questions.

Join the University Press Club for its annual Louis R. Rukeyser ‘54 Memorial Lecture Series, featuring Paul Steiger, president of Pulitzer Prize-winning nonprofit newsroom ProPublica and former managing editor of the Wall Street journal.  At 4:30 pm Tuesday, November 30th in McCosh 10, Steiger will give his take on the “future of investigative reporting.”

ProPublica is an “independent, non-profit newsroom that produces investigative journalism in the public interest.” As newspapers cut budgets, foundation-funded news organizations like ProPublica are stepping in to fill the investigative journalism gap.  ProPublica’s innovative model allows its reporters follow stories for years on end — and all resulting articles can be freely distributed under a Creative Commons license (indeed, ProPublica’s website encourages readers to “steal its stories”).

The Louis R. Rukeyser ’54 Memorial Lecture Series seeks to promote interest in the pursuit of journalism and to raise awareness of the role of the media in society. The event is co-sponsored by the USG.

The cranberry juice did it.

Remember last year when a group of Princeton scientists told you how awful high-fructose corn syrup was? Rats who consumed HFCS gained significantly more weight than those who consumed sucrose, even when overall caloric intake was the same. The researchers rattled off a list of ailments—high blood pressure, coronary artery disease, cancer and diabetes—that result from such excess weight problems in humans. If you’ve been avoiding HFCS since then, here’s a handy dining hall tip, which is now listed on Dining Services’ daily menu:

“All of our bulk ice creams and fountain soft drinks such as Coke, Sprite, Fanta Orange & Powerade contain high- fructose corn syrup.  From our juice machines – Natural 5, Cranberry Juice & Fruit Punch also contain HFCS, the apple and orange juices do not.”

It seems apples and oranges are more alike than people say. Stick to those juices when you crave some dining hall sugar water, sans HFCS.

Image source: http://mvscience.wikispaces.com/adc-hedgehogs

Image source: Princeton Alumni Weekly

It was not the typical setting for an academic conference ­— the stage of McCosh 50 was set with an Oriental carpet and Egg chairs — but “Open Hearts, Open Minds” was no ordinary gathering. More than 400 people came to campus Oct. 15–16 to see if they could find common ground on one of the most divisive issues of the day: abortion.

“Policy and legislation alone are insufficient to change the nature of the debate,” said Jennifer Miller, executive director of Bioethics International and an organizer of the event. “Changing culture,” she said, “happens through dialogue.”

Read the entire article here.

http://www.sarahbethdurst.com/EnchantedIvy.htm

Did you devour The Rule of Four before you came to campus? Do you find yourself singing along to “With a Little Help from My Friends” in Across The Universe to see those shots of Holder courtyard? Do you sneak peeks of The Cinderella Story when your “little sister” has it playing so you can see Sam and Austin espouse their love of Princeton? If you’re a collector of all things Princeton, you’ll be happy to hear of the latest edition to Princeton’s repertoire of references.

Enchanted Ivy by Sarah Beth Durst ’96 is a fantasy fiction novel for young adults. Think The Rule of Four meets Harry Potter. The protagonist, Lily, visits Princeton for her grandpa’s fiftieth reunion. Upon her arrival, members of Vineyard, a fictitious eating club, surprise Lily with the opportunity to take a “legacy test.” If passed, this test will guarantee her a spot at Princeton. Through her journey, Lily encounters talking gargoyles, a boy with Princeton-colored hair, and Princeton’s subterranean world of magic.

Durst says the book is “100% autobiographical.” According to her bio,  Durst has a “miniature pet griffin” named Montgomery; while an undergrad, she was a member of Quad and went streaking through the East Pyne courtyard during a friend’s Orange Key tour. Durst is a Princeton enthusiast, who made two trips to campus as she was completing the book to find all the hidden gargoyles carved into buildings. Ten points to Gryffindor if you can correctly identify the location of this campus gargoyle, which Durst says inspired her to write the book (leave your answer in the comments section of the post):

Durst: “Once I saw him, he began to haunt me. (Well, not literally but… I digress.) The look in his eyes just seemed to say… TELL MY STORY.”

At today’s CPUC meeting, Vice President Robert Durkee discussed the Task Force’s plan to implement these recommendations. The Task Force also released a progess report, which summarizes the steps it’s taken toward these recommendations.

Below are some highlights. In May the Task Force recommended that the University:

• “more fully and fairly describe the clubs in admissions materials and events.” According to the progress report, this year’s Admissions viewbook has a “much improved” description of the clubs. Check out the website description here.
• “provide Alcohol Initiative funding on days other than Thursday and Saturday.” After making this recommendation to President Tilghman, she agreed to lift this restriction so groups can receive A.I. funding on other nights.
• “consider a re-establishment of a campus pub.” This suggestion has received attention from the ACC, USG, GSG. A small group will meet this year to assess its feasibility.
• “continue to provide wireless access and snow removal for the clubs.” Because there’s no better way to break down a 100-year-old tradition than by leaving it unplugged and snowed in.

image source: huffingtonpost.com

The Huffington Post recently created a list entitled “If Rappers Were Colleges: Analogies You WON’T Find on the SAT,” which pairs universities with famous rappers. Comparing Princeton to Eminem, the rankings say that he (or we) are “The whitest of the truly elite.”

Our friends at PrincetonFML are ambivalent about the comparison.

One student writes, “If rappers were colleges, Eminem would be Princeton. OLAG?” Another says that “Jay-Z should be Princeton.” Unfortunately, the year Princeton loses its #1 spot on the U.S. News & World Report rankings is also the year that the HuffPo gives Jay-Z to Harvard.

But we think the analogy is apt beyond our pigment challenges. In 1896 our school changed its name from the College of New Jersey to Princeton University. Born Marshall Mathers, Eminem similarly assumed his rap name because it sounds cooler (M and M are his initials. Get it?). The first five Presidents of Princeton had untimely health issues and died within 20 years of one another. Eminem was abandoned by his father when he was 18 months old. Despite these tragic beginnings of contested nominal identities, both Princeton and Eminem have stood up as the real Slim Shadys.

So here’s some advice from our rapper/school (Princeton even has its research hands in #3).

The first incident took place July 3 at approximately 12:15 p.m. A female reported that she observed a man exposing himself in a lewd manner near the stone bridge on Beebe Lake. The suspect was described as a middle-aged, white male with a stocky build.

The second reported incident occurred July 9 at approximately 3:30 p.m. when a male subject in a car pulled up to a female who was walking on campus and exposed himself. The subject called the female over to the vehicle and exposed himself. The subject was described as a tall, dark-skinned, white male, in his 20s to 30s. The car was described as an older, four-door vehicle, light in color.

The most recent incident occurred Tuesday, July 13, at approximately 4 p.m. in the Beebe Lake area. A male subject was observed exposing himself and acting in a lewd manner. The subject was described as a dark-skinned, heavy-set Hispanic or black male in his 20s to early 30s.

Five days after Princeton’s last act of lewdness, it seems we have a new competitor. Unlike the Ivy League title, however, this is one ball game we’re willing to lose.

Image source: http://www.evenbetterbasketball.com/images/basketball.jpg

wrong kind of SCORE

For those of you who set 7am alarms this morning to get an edge on SCORE’s reopening, here’s a look at some of the most sought-after classes for the fall of 2010. (Note: For our purposes, we’re omitting the six introductory/prerequisite courses with the highest enrollment, including CHM303, PSY207, ECO100, SOC101, PSY101 and PHI203. These courses receive record enrollment numbers every year, primarily due to their status as required department prerequisites).

REL261: Christian Ethics and Modern Society
Professor: Eric S. Gregory
Enrollment 178 (as of 9:30 am)

With enrollment at 158 last fall, this course promises to engage students with some of the major debates and conflicts of “Christian ideals of conduct, character, and community.” The course tackles major questions such as “Are Christian virtues and principles fundamentally at odds with the ethos of liberal democracy oriented toward rights, equality, and freedom?” We can see why over 178 students are eager to join Professor Gregory in pursuit of the examined life.

HIS380: The United States and World Affairs
Professor: Bradley R. Simpson
Enrollment 176 (as of 9:30 am)

When Professor Paul Miles GS ’99 taught this reputed class for the last time in the spring of 2008, the 220-enrollment limit was filled within five minutes of SCORE’s opening, leaving forty-five students on the course’s waitlist. Despite the fact that Miles—a professor whose “offbeat sense of humor” was cited as the main attraction of the course—will not be teaching it next year, the popularity of HIS380 endures.

SOC205: Sociology From E Street: Bruce Springsteen’s America
Professor: Mitchell Duneier
Enrollment 170 (as of 9:30 am)

This class is among the few Springsteen courses to spring up at Princeton. With final enrollment at 246 last fall, this course promises to be a fun exploration into the sociology of music, complete with in-class interviews and a requisite field trip to Atlantic City!

Image source: http://www.music.indiana.edu/department/theory/ai/score.jpg

image source: http://userlogos.org/files/logos/sjdvda/fml.png

Given the surge of FML college spinoffs, The Ink thought it’d be helpful to look at some of the FMLs produced around the Ivies. As finals period casts its darkness across the Ancient Eight, here’s what our peers are complaining about:

Harvard: “I am so sleep-deprived that upon reading a paragraph of a paper I wrote, my roommate asked me why I had chosen to discuss the argument submitted by a member of the Prostitution to the point posed by a member of the defense in the legal case I was writing about. FML”

Yes, yes… we’re no stranger to stories of sleep deprivation and papers written on all-nighters. We have a sneaking suspicion, however, that this piece would have received one of the many generously-awarded A’s that Harvard permits, even if “prostitution” had made its way into the final round. Get some sleep, Harvard, and we’ll check in on the Elis:

Yale: “People bitch and moan about the stupidest problems on this website. FYL”

Ah, the characteristic glimmer of self-referential awareness (lest Triangle remind us that Elis love to “Deconstruct! Deconstruct!”) and brilliantly executed wordplay that transitions the f**ked life from “my” to “your.” Well played, Yale.

And what’s our Providence sister—home of “Sex, Power, God”– doing as her peers chew their way through exams?

Brown: “My unused and first vibrator broke right before I was about to use it for the first time. Why during finals? FML”

Add this depiction of “finals activities” to the list (which includes unlimited pass/fail courses and “The Emma Watson Effect”) of reasons why you should have gone to Brown.