Whitman College: serving you the classiest slice this side of the Seine.
Whitman College: serving you the classiest slice this side of the Seine.
There comes a point where every king must step down from the throne. Even our Glorious Mod.
Yes, all good things come to an end. However, as the late 90′s heartily affirmed, that means there’s also a new beginning! And this one could involve you! A tantalizing excerpt from a Mod interview:
You might think moderating during exams is therapeutic, but really, all it does is trick me into thinking I’ve accomplished something. Filing my taxes, updating my resume, and even folding my laundry all have similar effects. Assuming I make it to senior year, I’ll probably hold a “moderator bicker” during the fall semester so that PrincetonFML won’t be to blame for me being hopelessly behind on my thesis.
Um. In case you missed it:
QUAD PRESIDENT ERIC SALAZAR ’11 — A MAN OF GOLF, GOD, AND QUAD (ESPECIALLY QUAD) — FEARS THE DEEP SLEEP, REFUSES TO DISCLOSE SECRET QUAD MEMES
Name: Eric Salazar
Hometown: Carmichael, CA
Eating club/residential college/affiliation: I’ve been spoiled, Mathey then Quad.
Who’s your favorite Princetonian, living or dead, real or fictional?
The guy from Legally Blonde, you know, the one who had his fourth grade paper plagiarized by Stephen Hawking.
What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in Princeton?
Too easy, any Formal dinner at Quad.
In one sentence, what do you actually do all day?
Dream about playing better golf.
What is your greatest guilty pleasure?
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.
What’s the last student performance you saw?
The Triangle Club’s Store Trek … A-Mazing.
Do you know all the words to Old Nassau?
Not yet … but I’ve been saying that since freshman year.
Biannually, the Princeton University campus is overrun by a unique organism. Here are some salient facts:
Lifespan: Generally between April 1 – May 1.
Habitat: Maybe here for the next four years. Maybe not.
Status: Endangered. Due to intense intraspecies competition, only 8.18% even make it to this phase of life.
Diet: Dining hall food that’s seemingly a lot more delicious these two weeks than the rest of the year.
Predators: Um. I guess.
I speak, of course, of the elusive prefrosh (Adolescens hyperambitionis).
Often spotted in loyal packs of 5 or 6, not unlike other similar species, these fascinating creatures can be easily identified by their characteristic orange plumage, otherwise known as orange lanyard. Although some coyly tuck them into pockets in a misguided attempt at camouflage, their other telltale traits give them away: shrill mating calls of SAT scores and peer school comparisons, adorably vapid facial expressions (often a product of being hopelessly lost), snouts buried in trusty Preview packets, and the aforementioned herd mentality. I know all this because I braved a weekend among them circa 2009. (Well, I was one of them.)
They are generally gentle and vulnerable creatures. (Except for one scoundrel my friend caught in the act of lighting posters on fire!!!) So if you come across them, be sure to extend a friendly hand in the name of science. I identified a lost trio — like I said, it’s never hard to tell — and shepherded them to their destination.
I felt like I was taking baby turtle hatchlings back to sea.
(image source: http://i32.tinypic.com/2helcnp.jpg)
John McPhee’s doing a reading at Labyrinth tomorrow, and I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if our esteemed Ferris Professor of Journalism walked in wearing a practice pinny and a backwards fitted. That is, judging by his recent writings: last month, he reported on ex-Princeton lacrosse coach Bill Tierney’s sudden move to Denver, and his latest book, Silk Parachute, includes a sprawling, 59-page dissection of the game, its origins, its stars, its stereotypes. It’s literally everything you (I) ever wanted to know about the sport, spun wittily in his trademark style. The piece, titled “Spin Right and Shoot Left,” follows our lacrosse team to an exhibition match in Manchester, with McPhee as the team’s Faculty Fellow — “an official position, not unlike shaman.” He packs in plenty of Tierney one-liners and some fascinating Tiger lax trivia:
In 1888, Princeton’s face-off man was Edgar Allan Poe. His granduncle (ibid.) wrote “The Raven.”
Throughout the article, McPhee comfortably slings lax slang such as “whip” and “FOGO,” like he wouldn’t sound out of place in the Cottage taproom (he is, after all, a ’53 alum of the UCC). His laxicon is most definitely up-to-date. At one point he modestly recalls his only season of competitive play, a postgraduate year (classic bro move) as a Deerfield Academy middie. Apparently the game caught him by surprise:
… after a close and raucous [basketball] game one Saturday night, a teacher came through the departing crowd, stopped me on my way to the locker room and said his name was Mr. Haviland, and that he was the coach of Deerfield lacrosse. He said come spring he would like me to try out for his team … I told Mr. Haviland that I had fiddled around with lacrosse sticks maybe ten times ever while I was growing up in Princeton, but I didn’t play lacrosse, did not know how to play lacrosse.
And the rest is history. Dude’s a lax bro at heart; you can tell by the way he writes about the game, all tangled in a certain wide-eyed poetry. All I’m saying is I might bring my (nonexistent) stick to his creative nonfiction class next spring. Provided I get in. At least now I know which sport to awkwardly allude to on my application.
(image source: goprincetontigers.com)
[UPDATED BELOW] The Princeton Tiger, our resident humor rag, has been absolutely tearing up the internets lately. Their latest video, “Discussions in Contemporary Poetry: A conversation with Paul Muldoon,” features some erudite commentary from our beloved Professor of Creative Writing. The unlikely subject: Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok.” See the deep poetic genius in action:
Juxtaposition of high and low culture! (Especially enjoyed the Lear reference.) It’s funny! Apparently, it’s this funny. And this funny. And this funny. They throw up an adorable shoutout to their poetry editor: “Oh Paul, you totally make it pop.”
So, Tiger Mag, a tip of the hat — for making this video, for making waves. And for enriching the vocabulary of a Pulitzer Prize-winning poet. (Notable additions: “crunk,” “junk.”)
Spring. High of 89°. All things bloom. Frisbees take to the skies. Nakedness levels steadily elevate. Flip-flops reign. And while I’d love to take it all in firsthand, I’m having a little trouble opening my eyes, because oh no some mean invisible thumbs are rubbing chili powder and salt into them every time I step outside and it’s really itchy and it won’t stop. Here are some things I don’t like about Princeton right now.
O, cruel bloom, what you do to me:
This campus is really frickin’ verdant.
Thursday’s Princeton Dodgeball Tournament is approaching faster by the minute, and the bracket came out last night. We took a look at it, and one thing piqued our interest:
Um. Let’s get an instant replay on that puppy and blow it up for you:
I see what you did there. Irony duly noted. Who knew dodgeball brackets were such a wonderful venue for abortion humor?
Also, look out for “Psafe VS The Street at 10 PM,” which is randomly listed right at the top of the document. Not entirely sure how “The Street” will manifest itself as one dodgeball-playing entity, but I’m excited regardless. At best this will involve Public Safety officers storming the eating clubs, armed to the teeth, still bitter that we voted against giving them guns but making up for it with wicked sidearm. (The Beast will flow, balls will fly, and heads will roll.) Head out extra early this Thursday so as not to miss the show…?
P.S. We checked out our own spot on the bracket, and despite our less-than-illustrious history at this tournament, we are optimistic. Yes, Old Nassoul, consider that a challenge.
Any self-respecting FML reader is by now painfully familiar with the “Anna?” phenomenon. If you were (un)fortunate enough to miss the meme entirely, it’s not too complicated: commenters arbitrarily posted “Anna?” in response to any FML, ranging from sniffing of asparagus pee to dubious use of back massagers. Feel free to browse– there are seven full pages of Anna?-posts, dating back to January 14th. (Apparently this was really amusing for a really long period of time.) But who is Anna? The Mod gave us the scoop. Straight from the horse’s (unicorn’s?) mouth:
I approved 80 “Anna?” comments [during midterms week]. For those of you who care to know, Anna is a friend of mine who knows my true identity. Her friends found out that she knew who I was, but she refused to tell them, so they decided to post her name as comments on amusing/embarrassing posts … Anna’s a real trooper though, and as far as I know, didn’t spill the beans.
Trooper indeed. And as you may have noticed, Anna wasn’t that week’s only meme.
Sure, you might’ve had a rough midterm week; maybe you had a lot riding on those exams and papers. But you were just carrying your own weight. Imagine carrying an even bigger burden on top of that: satisfying the (considerable) procrastination needs of an entire campus.
That week, our noble Princeton FML Moderator faced that daunting task — and didn’t skip a beat. Here’s what s/he had to say about balancing these duties:
Moderating during midterms was kind of hellish, but it was still better than moderating in the days leading up to Dean’s Date. On the Monday of midterms, the site received 1,200 more visitors than it did the day before. Similarly, there were 1,000 less visitors on Friday than there were on Thursday. I couldn’t moderate as often as I would’ve liked to, so a lot of times I ended up just logging in and clicking “Approve All” on the comments, leaving the FMLs for later, because I wanted to make sure they still received the usual amount of attention. You might think moderating during exams is therapeutic, but really, all it does is trick me into thinking I’ve accomplished something. Filing my taxes, updating my resume, and even folding my laundry all have similar effects.
Conscientious, devoted to his/her craft — this is the Mod we know and love. Think about what got you through that week, aside from your exotic cocktail of Red Bull, Wa coffee, and C(?)oke. You may have tried to control yourself, but in the end you were fueled by FMLs. I think I speak for all of us when I say this: Mod, we are eternally grateful for your sacrifice.
(image source: http://www.hellados.ru/img/pic/atlas.jpg)
… she’s baaaaack.
Although I suppose she was never quite here to begin with — last time was sort of messy. Regardless, human rights advocate Nonie Darwish will be speaking at Princeton this Wednesday, March 24th at 4:30 in Whig Hall Senate Chamber. The event, titled “Human, Minority, and Women’s Rights Under Islamic Law,” is sponsored by Whig-Clio, The Tory, and The Committee for Accuracy in Middle East Reporting in America (CAMERA)– and it’s bound to spark some campus controversy, given her (short) track record here.
Why the sudden change in heart? According to Whig-Clio:
Our policy on Ms. Darwish’s visit to campus is the same as it was last semester: so long as another campus group is willing to sign off on the legitimacy of Ms. Darwish’s beliefs, Whig-Clio is happy to throw its full institutional support and resources behind her visit. As such, when Tigers for Israel revoked its invitation last semester, Whig-Clio followed suit. Now that the Tory is willing to sponsor the event, Whig-Clio is more than willing to sign on.
In a joint press release, both groups noted that equally controversial speakers have been invited in the past, and that Darwish’s views by no means reflect their own. It’s fair to say that she’ll receive a less-than-warm welcome from many students, but the sponsors hope that those “who disagree with Darwish’s views will participate constructively in the event by asking thoughtful questions during the Q&A period following the lecture.”
We haven’t seen a Whig-Clio event this heated since, well, yeah. This should be interesting.
O(bama), ye of little faith.
As he filled out his b(a)racket for the Women’s NCAA Tournament this year, he had our Tigers going down in the first round. If you’re really “surrounded by these Princeton Tigers” like you say you are, I suggest that they pounce. We think our women’s basketball team — making their first ever appearance at the Big Dance — will prove him wrong on Saturday.