So, rooming is a-looming. And with it, all the requisite Machiavellian maneuvering and general confusion. If you are like me — an uninitiated freshman, with an excuse for not understanding what’s going on — you might find this guide useful. Or, if you are not like me, and are just a forgetful upperclassman, you may also find this useful. Or, if you simply enjoy engaging in predetermined conversation with snarky JPEGs, you too may find this useful (and delightful).

In any case, here is Housing Enlightenment from the Curmudgeonly Computer.

Boy, is he curmudgeonly! He appears to have been cribbed together from various bits of Microsoft Word clipart, all with a certain Planters peanut aesthetic. He uses multiple question marks in succession. And he’s legitimately funny! As I was clicking my way through this Choose Your Own Adventure-style journey, for example, he quipped:

If you want to pretend you’re an upperclassman, just go back to the home page and say that you’re in the class of 2012 or 2011. Go ahead-we’ll keep it between the two of us. You owe me though.

This genuinely made me enjoy learning about housing, which is no small feat. It’s clear, witty, and markedly more effective than an actual human being. I don’t know who to thank, besides “The Trustees of Princeton University,” according to the copyright at the bottom of the page. I wish the administration (in this case, credit appears to be due to Mathey College) made everything this fun: consider the possibilities.